Just as I have my literary ticks, I find that the ethereal, ubiquitous world of wine provides me with more grips, rants and silent grunts than I could possibly share in a single article. While most occur as a result of poor instruction(I truly blame that on half cocked intellects and dinner parties, average wine drinkers you are redeemed), and not a genuine desire to hurdle the wine world in one single bound. Here's a tip, SOUND like you know what you're talking about by practicing proper pronunciation, it will impress even the snobbiest of wine drinkers because half of them don't even use it either.
First, the most botched Champagne house in modern history; Moet. Tempted to say Moe-Ay? Don't worry, it's something that really takes practice not to, as we see Moet and think to soften the 'T' as the French do(about the only soft thing they still do). As the House is Moet eh Chandon, the 'ET' is attached to the isolated 'Moet' and there for mimics the sound of what exactly happens when you have too much of the beloved Champagne; you get wet. Taittinger is not like Tay-ten-jer, it's Tayt-en-Zyah; but if you're savvy enough to be drinking this delectable bubbly, I'll forgive the slip of the tongue. Bollinger, a personal favorite of mine is Bah-len-jer; again the R isn't softened up, I have heard many reasons why but I guarantee your companions won't know either. Champagne Henriot, is one of my new go-to affordable Champagne Houses. It skewers the front pallette with lush, creamy lilac and melon rind, before spilling out into honey suckle and Angostino bitters. The breathy bubble structure is a subtle cascade, rather than the grinding, thinner bubbles that come from 'cheap' Champagne wines. All of this, however, is lost if you're talking about it like it's called 'Hen-riot'. Our aunts are named Henriette, this wonderful gem is called 'AHn-ree-oh'.
In Rhone, we have Gigondas, a lovely Rhone Blend that generally favors Grenache(Gren-aw-sh). Gigondas isn't pronounced, 'Gy-gan-das', like it's some Mammoth Red Wine that may or may not fight Mothra. 'Gee-gohn-daas' is likely to draw a smile from your waiter/wine steward/date, should it be the occasion. Cote Rotie(Coat-Row-tee-ay) and Croze-Hermitage(Crow-zhay-Ayhr-Meht-ahj) are two others that may be twisted.
Bordeaux has Paulliac(Paw-leeh-yac) and St Emillion(Sahnt-Eh-meel-yawhn). One of my personal favorites, Chateau Lynch-Bages(Lehn-Ch-Bah-jh), is so formidable in it's breathy earth, a combination of Cabernet Sauvignon grip with fresh, nickel-like minerality, that I will often forgive you for saying, "Lynch Ba-zhey" or "Lee-nch Ba-yzh".
On a white note, here are a few twisted by the general public: Semillon is not Sem-ill-on, rather Sem-ee-yon, Chablis is not Cha-bliss but Cha-Blee. Viognier is Vee-ahn-yay; lord knows I can't tell you how many ways people can screw that up. Ugni Blanc is Ooh-nee Blanc, and Tocai Friuliano is Toh-Cay Free-you-lee-ahno.
There are literally THOUSANDS of wine varietals, millions of estates and further still different personal accents, so again, this is a guide to understanding some of the pronunciations that may or may not having you drinking great wine; your's or someone else's(I prefer the latter, but then again I'm a good beggar). My point is, wine is something you can enjoy with all of your senses, and as a result a sense of responsibility must be asserted to control your audible reflex as well as your visual, textural, olfactory and tasting mechanisms. Why have we so long ignored that vital 5th sense? Probably for a lack of instruction, but more than that, we have forgotten that wine is a living creature. 'Ah-Dy-ooh' and fairwell my wine-lings, have a great day enjoying your 'Cah-ber-nay Sah-ven-yahn' or your 'Pee-noh No-ahr' and remember that a glass of wine is only as tuned as it's reciever.
Cameron
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